Tuesday, December 20th, 2005
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10:34 am
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you killed me. i hope you re happy and satisfied with your TV..
when you remember me remember me dead..A decomposing corps thAt s all i am now...
you left me in pieces
and i cant help but bleed myself
of the pain you ve caused within me.
it hurts so much
that even deeper wounds
cannot let enOugh blood flow
to take the pain away
i m shouting out
pls have pity on me
my eyes are dry
but stil i squint and i cry
i dreamt of you standing and i hug you from behind
i inhale and i smell you i cried "dont leave"
you said you wont but i wake up and see you did
i die again
i try to bang my head against the headboard so maybe God will be nice
maybe ?God will make it easy and bring me to sleep so i can see you again
and maybe this time, he wont wake me up and you ll be always with me
my head starts to ache i feel drained i know i m dying
i know i m dying but my eyes are open
i m being eaten from the inside out
how can you leave me for things that i cant even explain
you left my soul to rot
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(comment on this)
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Monday, November 21st, 2005
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10:00 pm
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suicide
so many lives have been wasted away
as intoxication begins to brew their day
I wonder what i can do just to make them know
the pain in their hearts will never cease to grow
until they learn to give up this feeling
until they cease this pathetic killing
madami kayong nasasaktan sa mga ginagawa nyo...
i hope you all know that whatever you do to youself your loved ones feel it too
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Sunday, October 30th, 2005
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7:51 pm - to fc peepoll :p
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bla :)
well some things nagiging flop but it all turns out for the best! whee my fc initiation peepoll!!! lets get one thing straighttt!! :p i dint lose your stuff okii???:p whaah its all part of itt!!! dont kill me!! :p
patttyy pakuha nlng sa classrum ko or sumthn ung watch haha nahanap ko na! :p TY much!
wahaha la lng whee gaing ng grp ko! *clap clap clap* sOwee sobra di ako nakadala ng camm :( pero la lng you guys rocckkk whee!! :p hehe swear! :)
anywHo welcome FC peeps! :> welcome to the FC family! :)
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9:05 am - me=alive
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hey i m alive again! :p haha grabe tagal na ako sobra di nagsusulat dito wahaha :p kakaiba oh well :p today was fun :) haha and after ng 1 week downer of shitss na nangyayari. well everything turned our to be ok :) i mean.. hell i love my friends and la lng.. i love you!! you know who you guys are! thanks tlga! whee ito sinend sakin ng isang FFL (friend for life) kO..i send it bacK to all you!! (gnibean kri Cla janz kiki deshwi muymuy tits dms babs kim jim lotte pabs lyshy berniesoulmate mytheonebebot pammy Zo ickywicky kaReN dami pa kau! you know who you are!! this is all for you! thanks for always bein there! my fC family and fiDelity! wahahaha ano speech na ba??? jsut wanna tell you i appriciate you so much!love yOu so much!!!! dunt know what i would do without you guys! LUV YOU MUCH!
***i ll always be thankful that God made us meet..i may never know why or how..but i know, here in my heart you'll always be one of the reasons why i ll keep on believing that God want me to be happy :)
and i mean this guys! :)
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Tuesday, March 15th, 2005
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3:59 pm - after failing a test i studied for the entire day...
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i went today... sa mtq.. checked out things..
i didnt pass
my blooddy heart broke down into shattered pieces that almost looked like powder
i scroll down again and my name just wasnt there
i gave it my all..
i gave it my all..
other names were there.. why wasnt mine?
i gave it my all..
i know you can see that too..
i kept wishing for somone to wake me up
it seemed that my life and all that i have believed in just wasnt right
and i jsut hope to God
He d give me that strength
i gathered up my powdered heart and dagged myself to continious disbelief of what my eyes saw
and struggled to peice it back together but the more i try the more it brittles
and even the wind takes some of it leaving me with desperation
and empty hands..
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Sunday, March 13th, 2005
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7:34 pm
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I wish for a lot of things
Though mostly tranquility
Of my mind
Never ending rest
For love is too strong
It will drive you mad
For no pain can surpass this love
Maybe because this love is pain
Greatest of its kind
As roots hold tight to the ground
As winds sweep their leaves away
There is no point: inevitability
Though oddly, we fight anyway
Wind always passes by
And I cannot do anything
But watch its wings
It seems to pass through all of me
the leech of life
And take some of me with it
But always leaves a few things behind
And I shrug and stare away once more
And surprisingly find parts of my spirit gone
But replaced by
Thoughts of you that were never there before
sorry sayang ba space? hehe... just sabog and wanted to write so there..
i miss feeling.
i miss you guys....
current mood:  numb
current music: yellowcard
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Thursday, January 13th, 2005
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9:49 pm
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hm.. someone really hurt me today.
sabi daw ung skills ko sa pagpapatawa ay nangiinsulto.
made me cry. gay ba?
hy... ren, u know what i mean.. la lng shet.. i m really sorry if i fail you..
and i m really scared i will.
tapos un nga cnabe pa toh sakin ng someone.... FUDGE! solid! :(
:( i dont want to fail you.. maslalo na ikaw. and c Lord...
sobrang daming times na ktia na fail and i surely dont wanna do it again :( love you ren!
i ll do my besT. :(
love yah ren. thanks for ALWAYS having faith in me.
your one of those who believed in me when NO ONE else has.
current mood:  crushed
current music: silence
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Friday, December 3rd, 2004
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9:38 am
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How come this LOVE IS CHASTE that in it I find so much perfection? The life I live I cannot see this as real but it is. I breathe as though I have new life and hearts race as if I would fall a hundred feet! Just a glance, my words scramble and my mouth to dry. HOLD ON MARJ! This will be quite a drop...
waHhhHHHhhH!! does love from a photograph exsist? from some scrambled words that someone put together?? doesn't writing reveal a part of the soul and being of the writer??? i have fallen for that part!!! I have fallen for a verse!
Call me pathetic and thoroughly naive but i think that s the beauty of it!! nOt caring with the immaturity that one holds! isn't that what makes chinldren so special???
if only i can shout to the world!!! the beauty of the words you speak i shall sing to the heavens of your love for otherS! but sadly your love not onto me my dear!!:( but heck i still sing for your love surpasses!WAHH!! even though jealusy runs through my vains i care not!
i still sing!
i love you!!! wahahah :p
i think i m not sane... hm...
current mood: infatuated and looooNNNeeeYY!!
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Wednesday, March 3rd, 2004
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10:20 pm - SORRY
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My hand alive and breathing
held the pencil in my grip
Faster than my heart beating
it wrote of my silent trip
Alone and autistic
i feel tears push through
i think of things pathetic
i think of you
I feel my fingers lift a blade
with no concience, blood arises
a prayer to Death
Would i pay his deadly prices?
Or can i somehow slip away
like no one else has
or shall i perish in the same way,
and endure 'til eternity pass
The pain in me only nourished
the guilt in me only fed
Is this forever my fate
or can angels of heaven take me instead
I m sorry Loves
I have failed you again
back to dead doves
that i can never regain
the beauty of you
i cannot explain
only as birds of white
as their purity is certain
your trust i have slaughtered
barbarric with haste and rage
and i apologise
for it semms after all, i am no sage
Though you are love; reason and purpose
if pardon from me you accept as i repent
and heavens unlock their gates
i no longer seek contentment
SUMMARY: Sorry
current mood:  regretful
current music: harder to breathe - maroon 5
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Friday, February 27th, 2004
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10:30 pm - what a day....
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i guess... sometimes tlga.. wheels turn so fast..
and i can't catch up..
sometimes.. tanga tlga ako
and di ko gets kung nagpapatanga pa ko or what.
feeling ko macyado ko ineenjoy ung pain eh. wla lang.
bilis ng mood swing..
wed lang.. then now... i talk like crap..
just realized that.
hm..
i missed so much out of life.
i forgot how to cherish and now its all gone.
fu*k.
labo talaga...
miserable is a word for it.
plus a couple more that pesimists often use.
when you feel as if you are so sure
that nothing can possibly alter or whatever
something comes up!
and your fu*kng back to where you started.
why all this?
how cn we live a life of satisfaction if changes always come to haunt us?
i m so tired. (aren't we all???-yes marj, state the obvious..)
i am so darn scared...
that i dont know
what i m fighting for...
living for?
God? Angels? Some kind of salvation that i can't put my finger on?
that surapasses my abilities as a dreamer perhaps?
What what!!!
things disappear so fast that even before i can define it
as a reality or fantasy its gone!!
and at the end of the day
all you have is a gun barrel between your teeth
pathetic!!!!
A slave to hell!!!
*i remembered the knife
i remembered my bliss pain
i remembered the strife
that i cannot contain.
current mood:  f*ckd up
current music: hands down
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Wednesday, February 25th, 2004
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9:24 pm - 1st entry!
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cool 1st entry ko :p hm.. la lang. :p i guess coz i m really bored :p la lang :p and i remembered un nga ung pagkaperfect ng valentines ko and pagka super 'making sense' ung life ko now :p and.. hm.. i certainly couldnt ask for more :P whoever will read my journal.. right now.. if sino man nagwawaste ng time niya listening or reading to the babble i m making... i know its either you really bored and got nothing to do or your a real good friend of mine pero whichever you are...(thanks na din ;p)
haha dude.. cease the moment. you'll realize how gifted and lucky you are :p despite all the shit raining on you and you feel that you stink and things cant possibly go worse, think again. de jowk :p
look around you lng :p
putcha dami nagmamahal sau noh! :p
dont snob them! :p wag kang tatanga tanga katulad ko before! :p
To REn, desh, Gni, krikitori, Clangie, Val.. everyone i love, you know who you are ... sorry dati patanga tanga ako!!! i love you guys!!
and to you know who you are.. i ll keep fighting for you! for obvious reasons :)
Luv yah! :P thanks for always being there and keeping me alive guys!!! :)
if ever, to you, the people i love, you feel that your worthless.. think again :)
your keeping marj alive :) always. :)
song: couldn't ask for more
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mar_gie's journal